Body Positive, Health, Mindset

From Cover Girl to Burn Out

Being back in Singapore is reminding me of where I started with my body image issues, which in turn played a part in my fitness approach that led to my burnout.

This was my first photoshoot ever. The cover of Seventeen Magazine.

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After that shoot I was approached for more modelling jobs and also by agencies. I remember them telling me that one of the terms was to stay under 60kg (132lbs) or else there would be a fine.

I had been 60kg before the age of 12 and was definitely over 60kg when I did that shoot, but that didn’t matter.

My weight in Asia has always been “too high” for modelling, for my gymnastics coaches and the stupid height-weight charts not created for a girl who was half white with less than slender genes.

It’s ridiculous that the need to be smaller took such a toll on my physical and mental health.

One of my first brutally honest discussions in the mirror during my burnout was along the lines of “this is your body, be cool with it.” On repeat.

Everything in fitness before then was driven by the dissatisfaction of my body. “Not happy with how it looks? Good! Work harder! No excuses! F how you feel and what your body is telling you! You’re not hungry. You’re not tired!”

No wonder my body was not cool with me lol

Being okay with my body in whatever state it was in was one of the biggest drivers into my sustained fitness. Once I let go of the exterior and focused on the more important things (my energy, my happiness, my sleep, etc.) the body was easy and natural.

My average body today that is happy and healthy.

I’m glad to see things slowly starting to change here in Asia. I’m also proud to carry my 70kg (154lb) self around without the need to be smaller or hate my thighs (which are way bigger now lol)

Don’t drive your personal fitness with hate. It’s truly not worth it and probably not sustainable because it’s a shitty experience. Find deeper and healthier intentions and everything will change for you. I promise.

p.s. I’m also extremely proud of my glute gains and the fact that I’d never fit into those shorts / jeans.

If you’ve been fighting your body this whole time or doing fitness programs that are not sustainable, I highly suggest you enroll in my FREE Hormonal Fat Loss Workshop where I explain why nothing has been working and help you leave with a plan that is right for you. I’ll walk you through the mistakes many of us have made and show you the real  work that needs to be put in. Not the quick fixes that don’t last. Click here to enroll now. 

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